Staying in Motion

I just want to feel alive.

Beginnings are hard.

Substack gave me a little template with suggestions for my Very First Blogpost. They had “beginnings are hard” as the first subheading suggestion, and although it was clearly meant to be deleted and replaced with something more creative, I’m keeping it. Because beginnings are hard.

Since childhood, whenever anyone has asked me, “if you could have any job that you want, do anything in the world with money as no issue, what would you do,” the answer has always been the same: travel the world and write about it. Now, at nearly 29 years old, I am both traveling and writing, but I’ve never before joined these dreams together in the ways that I’ve always dreamed about. Why?

I think it could be because I’m scared of failing. If something goes wrong at my day job, that’s okay, because there are still so many more parts of me. I’m good at my job, probably because I don’t see my job as a reflection of my self-worth. Writing, though? Writing is something I define myself by.

When dreams stay dreams, you can never mess them up. They are forever preserved, beautiful and flawless.

My life is messy. My writing is messy. In the age of AI-generated writing, though, I think that we are noticing more than ever that the messy, flawed humanity of writing is what gives it soul.

Soul. My soul. I dramatize things, I know. But it sure feels like writing is giving your soul a piece of paper to live on. Or, in the case of a blog, a piece of the internet to live on. To live on. The sort of nakedness that I’m describing scares me, but at the same time, I feel like I’m spending all of my years on this rock grasping at life, trying to hold on and intensify and preserve and feel it, and if sharing stories gives my soul a place to live, then I don’t know what I’ve been waiting for.

What exactly is it that we’ve been waiting for? What is this place?

1. Travel stories

This was the original idea that inspired A Lemon in Motion. After a trip, I always get the same questions:

How did I afford it? Where did I stay? Did I meet people? What all did I do? Could I give them some recommendations from the area? How did my trip make me feel? Am I sad now that I’ve returned?

Over time, I realized that the letters I was writing to people, exchanging stories of our adventures, was something that I could share in a uniform, more widespread sort of way. Consider these stories letters to you.

2. Your Stories

When I was in college, I had this daydream about starting a blog where I told stories about the everyday sort of incredible people. The first blogpost would be named “Arlene,” about my aunt.

She was my “cool aunt,” but I was starting to realize that behind her sunglasses lived a woman who had spent a lifetime building a defensive exterior to protect her family.

Arlene, like me, was a woman of “someday.”

Someday she would share her writings.
Someday she would travel.
Someday I would write a blog about the people like her who inspired me.

Arlene died before someday came.
I don’t want to waste any more time.

3. Thoughts

On my commute home from work, I’m typically silent, drafting long essays that live and die in my mind. “This one is good, I really need to write this one down,” I always say to myself, but right now, the only set place I have to put them is in my diary. And some thoughts are better shared.

4. My days

At the time of publishing this, I have only left the United States three times. As much as I love traveling, it’s not the center of my life. Pretending that it is & always waiting for the next chance to use some vacation days will leave me feeling depressed… ask me how I know. I’m easily excited and eternally curious, and I love creating experiences every day and everywhere I go. I tend to be a big fan of the word “yes.”

We are more than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes, at work, I’ll have students write out a list of hobbies to try, things they would like to learn, or new ideas they’d like to explore. At first it’s difficult for them, I’ll get statements like, “I’m too busy with work/school,” or “I could never learn these things.”

So I tell them, “no filter, no judgment, no worrying about abilities— anything that you have ever wanted to try, just write it down,” and the ideas start flowing. I want to have a space to allow my ideas to flow, with you.

I plan to be inventive here. Thank you for letting me.

My brother and me in New Mexico, 2007. Over three and a half weeks, our mom drove us from Tennessee to California and back. When I think about where my love of travel began, this is the trip I come back to. I had never felt so free.

5. Interaction

Like I said, my love for letter writing is what inspired this, and like with writing letters, I’d love to have a correspondence. Comment, subscribe, share with your friends. I’m so happy you’re here. You made it this far, and I hope you’ll stick with me for the long-haul.

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